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January 23, 2017
Vatican II, "Gaudium et spes" The holiness of married life and family life A man and a woman, who by the marriage covenant of conjugal love ‘are no longer two, but one flesh’, render mutual help and service to each other through an intimate union of their persons and of their actions.
Through this union they experience the meaning of their oneness and attain to it with growing perfection day by day. As a mutual gift of two persons, this intimate union, as well as the good of the children, imposes total fidelity on the spouses and argues for an unbreakable oneness between them.
Christ the Lord abundantly blessed this many-faceted love, welling up as it does from the fountain of divine love and structured as it is on the model of his union with the Church.
As God of old made himself present to his people through a covenant of love and fidelity, so now the Saviour of men and the spouse of the Church comes into the lives of married Christians through the sacrament of matrimony. He abides with them thereafter so that, just as he loved the Church and handed himself over on her behalf, the spouses may love each other with perpetual fidelity through mutual self-bestowal.
Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ’s redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church. Thus this love can lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and can aid and strengthen them in the sublime office of being a father or a mother.
For this reason, Christian spouses have a special sacrament by which they are fortified and receive a kind of consecration in the duties and dignity of their state. By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfil their conjugal and family obligations, they are penetrated with the spirit of Christ. This spirit suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope, and charity. Thus they increasingly advance their own perfection, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God.
As a result, with their parents leading the way by example and family prayer, children and indeed everyone gathered around the family hearth will find a readier path to human maturity, salvation, and holiness. Graced with the dignity and office of fatherhood and motherhood, parents will energetically acquit themselves of a duty which devolves primarily on them, namely education, and especially religious education.
As living members of the family, children contribute in their own way to making their parents holy. For they will respond to the kindness of their parents with sentiments of gratitude, with love and trust. They will stand by them as children should when hardships overtake their parents and old age brings its loneliness.
October 19, 2016
"It’s no secret that many couples are cohabiting, that is, living together in a sexual relationship without marriage. Currently, 60% of all marriages are preceded by cohabitation, but fewer than half of cohabiting unions end in marriage.
Many couples believe-mistakenly-that cohabitation will lower their risk of divorce. This is an understandable misconception, since many people are the children of divorce, or have other family members or friends who have divorced. Other reasons for living together include convenience, financial savings, companionship and security, and a desire to move out of their parents house.
What social science says about cohabitation- On average, marriage preceded by cohabitation is 46% more likely to end in divorce.
- The risk is greatest for “serial” cohabitors who have had multiple relationships.
- Some studies indicate that those who live together with definite plans for marriage are at minimal risk; however, there are no positive effects from cohabiting.
- Cohabitation puts children at risk. Forty percent of cohabiting households include children. After five years, one-half of these couples will have broken up, compared to 15% of married parents.
Cohabitation and Catholic Church teaching
Every act of sexual intercourse is intended by God to express love, commitment and openness to life in the total gift of the spouses to each other. Sexual intercourse outside of marriage cannot express what God intended. Rather, it says something false–a total commitment that the couple does not yet have. This total commitment is possible only in marriage.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church points out that some couples claim a right to live together if they intend to marry later on. Although the couple may be sincere in their intention, the Catechism stresses that human love is not compatible with “trial marriages.” Rather, “it demands a total and definitive gift of persons to one another.”
Cohabitation and marriage preparation
If you are a cohabiting couple who has chosen to marry, the Catholic Church welcomes your decision to marry. Because cohabitation can have an effect on the marriage, couples are encouraged to explore certain questions with the pastoral minister who is preparing them for marriage. These include:- Why did you choose to live together?
- What did you learn from the experience of living together?
- Why did you decide to marry?
- Why do you wish to marry in the Catholic Church?
- What does marriage as a sacrament mean to you?
People have a right to marry; therefore, cohabiting couples cannot be denied marriage in the Catholic Church solely because they are cohabiting. However, cohabitation may raise questions, for example, about the couple’s freedom to marry, that need to be explored.
For more information:
Marriage Preparation and Cohabiting Couples, an Information Report from the U.S. Catholic Bishops’ Committee on Marriage and Family"
-from For Your Marriage, USCCB
July 3, 2016
“ ...The Catechism of the Catholic Church encourages ... trust as it relates to the theological virtue of hope: 'Hope is the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ’s promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit' (CCC1817).
A marriage where a husband and wife practice this trust is a living catechism which can be read by all who see them. All of us as individuals can offer others hope. A sacramental marriage, though, is a particularly powerful influence on society. This is why it is under such unremitting attack. Marriage is a 'Witness to Hope.' This was the title of George Weigel’s biography of Pope St. John Paul the Great. Karol Wojtyła lived through a dark age of oppression and harassment particularly towards people of faith. His trust in something greater than a secular state was a threat to the connected and powerful. Miracles occurred as a result of this trust. Trust can still work miracles....A married couple can practice trust and can be a channel of hope to their own little corner of the world.”
--exerpted from Here's Hoping” By Tim Bishop. Click here for the full article.
Happy Fourth of July from the Marriage Ministry! Stay tuned for part 3 of the Catholic Date Night series in September!
April 12, 2016exerpted from the Holy Thursday Homily by Father Raniero Cantalamessa, O.F.M. Cap.
Something similar happens in marriage to what happened in God’s relationship with humanity that the Bible in fact describes with the image of a wedding. In the very beginning, as I said, there was love, not mercy. Mercy comes in only after humanity’s sin. So too in marriage, in the beginning there is not mercy but love. People do not get married because of mercy but because of love. But then after years or even months of life together, the limitations of each spouse emerge, and problems with health, finance, and the children arise. A routine sets in that quenches all joy.
What can save a marriage from going downhill without any hope of coming back up again is mercy, understood in the biblical sense, that is, not just reciprocal forgiveness but spouses acting with “compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness and patience” (Col 3:12). Mercy adds agape to eros, it adds the love that gives of oneself and has compassion to the love of need and desire. God “takes pity” on human beings (see Ps 102:13). Shouldn’t a husband and wife, then, take pity on each other? And those of us who live in community, shouldn’t we take pity on one another instead of judging one another?
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, by the merits of your Son on the cross who “became sin for us” (see 2 Cor 5:21), remove any desire for vengeance from the hearts of individuals, families, and nations, and make us fall in love with mercy. Let the Holy Father’s intention in proclaiming this Year of Mercy be met with a concrete response in our lives, and let everyone experience the joy of being reconciled with you in the depth of the heart. Amen!
March 20, 2016
Marriage Tips
" Put your spouse first. Even though we all learned to share in kindergarten, we are still selfish beings. We want what we want when we want it. Technology and society as a whole aren’t great at helping and encouraging us to break this habit, but the happily functioning family can be anything but selfish. Always ask yourself, what would your spouse like? Whether it’s what to eat for dinner, what movie to watch, or what dessert you share at a restaurant, let your spouse choose. Having a happy spouse makes you a happy spouse. Let his happiness bring you happiness.
Keep dating each other. Just because you’re married and you have kids doesn’t mean your social life is over. You still need to spend quality time alone together, or even out with friends, but especially alone together. Getting out of the house for a date isn’t always possible with sitters or finances, but you can have dates in, too. [...]Schedule it on the calendar if necessary."
Want more tips? Click here!
Also, stay tuned for a Catholic Date Night series of programs sponsored by the Marriage Support and Enrichment Ministry! For more information and/or to join the ministry contact Joe and Luciana Sweeney at jtmsweeney@yahoo.com.
March 13, 2016
The popular PBS show, Downton Abbey, aired its final episode recently. Earlier in the season, there was an episode where a popular character had some real insight into the truth of marriage. Princeton Professor Robert P. George reflected on that insight in a recent article. Read the article online here: goo.gl/yit8SL.
November 12, 2015" Anyone can make a commitment for anything and to anyone. We can make a commitment to meet at 5pm, for example, or a commitment to be friends. But today, many look at a marriage commitment as conditional — valid as long as it works out, or as long as both parties share common interests or are being fulfilled. Even the term “lifelong commitment” doesn’t really communicate what marriage really is all about.
The better term for communicating the reality of marriage is to think about it in terms of 'irreplaceability.'
Marriage is the free choice of a man and a woman to make themselves irreplaceable to each other."
Originally published by the National Catholic Register, October 12, 2015To read more: http://takebackmarriage.org/marriage-articles/understating-marriage-commitment
December 15, 2015
Christmas is a busy time for all of us. Showing gratitude to your spouse this time of year (and anytime!) can help with stress, and help your marriage grow!
" A new study shows that the single most important, consistent, significant factor that can make all the difference is Gratitude: 'E ven if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.' So even if there are negative communications patterns in your marriage that you don’t know how to overcome, regularly expressing appreciation can provide 'a protective effect against challenges that can tear couples apart.' In other words, gratitude can 'help couples through hardship' and 'protect marriages from the toxic effects of conflict.' Simply put, gratitude can guard your marriage!"--
Laura Bunker, United Families International, 11/19/15.
Read more here.Merry Christmas from the Marriage Support and Enrichment Ministry!!